Self inquiry. One of the most important, yet most ignored, components to a happy, fulfilled life. Think about how often we stop and ask ourselves the following questions:
- “What do I want?”
- “What do I REALLY want?”
- “Does this fulfill me?”
- “How do I want to live my life?”
- “What is for my greatest good?”
- “Am I being true to myself?”
- “Who am I at my core?”
- “What are my values?”
- “What do I believe in?”
- “How do I want to be treated?”
Again, I am venturing to guess that we do not ask these questions of ourselves nearly often enough. These questions are meant to get us out of our heads and break us free from what we are told to think, believe, feel and accept.
We take for granted the information and direction we have been given since babies. My goal is to have you become aware of what is ‘yours’ and what is ‘theirs’. We usually focus on making sure others are happy, which is not a bad thing in and of itself, however we skew decisions heavily in that direction and neglect to check in with the person who matters the most: ourselves!
This is often the case in intimate relationships, especially the bedroom. How can we even communicate our needs, wants, desires if we have no idea what they are in the first place!? If we think our jobs are to make our friends/significant others/family happy, then does not the same apply in reverse?
We have the people in our lives wanting so badly to support, encourage and love us, yet we are unable to clue them in on how exactly to do that. How can they do their jobs if we are somewhat clueless? Then the inevitable happens! We get resentful because they are not holding up their end of the bargain and/or frustrated that they cannot read our minds to figure out what we want.
That is the funny and often overlooked piece of doing self work and sharing your discoveries with others. We feel it is selfish and an unafforded luxury. However in finding the keys to the kingdom in ourselves, we are able to give those keys out for others to know us better as well. The people in our lives are waiting on the sidelines, ever so patiently, for us to clue them in on how they can be of service to us. You know how good it feels to help someone in need? Same goes for others helping when you are in need.
We have got to shift the way we look at self inquiry, and as a consequence self care. It is imperative not only for the health of our selves, but the health of the relationships in our lives. If the people in your life truly love you, they want to see you succeed, grow, learn, challenge yourself. This takes work and it takes asking the, sometimes, hard questions when we are alone in our thoughts.
The more you know who you are and what you want (for you, not anyone else), the easier it is to be comfortable with yourself and confident in your ability to have whatever your litle heart desires.
This is the reason I decided to take a little ‘mental health’ break (or sabbatical) recently. My soul was yearning for quiet time to ponder, reflect, choose and act. Trust me, it is not always sunshine and roses. It hurts. Yet it also liberates. Growing pains remember?
For the sake of your happiness and fulfillment, is it not worth dedicating some quality time to your self? Even if it is 10 minutes a day to meditate? Or writing in a journal all of your hopes, dreams, desires? Maybe it is getting a coach to talk to weekly? Whatever you do decide, it will be right and perfect for you.
I will leave you with one or two final questions: “If you could become the person you truly want to be, what would that person look like? And what things would you need to start doing to walk towards that goal?”
Would love to hear your feedback. Does this seem like a daunting task? In what ways do you already do your inner work and self reflection? How could I support you in giving yourself the quality time you deserve? Leave a comment and let’s get cracking!
P.S. If you would like to be kept in the loop regarding future posts, events, classes and/or some plain ol’ ‘you can have the love you want’ inspiration, sign up for the newsletter below or by clicking HERE.
As a thank you, you will get a surprise from me as well … an in-depth worksheet where you list out your ideal partner and relationship. When you are clear, they appear…It works like magic I tell ya. XO