As I was walking along the water in Seal Beach, I felt so unbelievably aware of the color of the water, the birds, the calming murmur of the tide rolling in. As I sit here watching the waves and being appreciative of the moment, the first words that pop into mind are “Radical Honesty Rules!”
Seriously! There is such freedom when you finally say the thing your heart knows needs to be voiced! In this moment, I feel so free and consequently present to all of the beauty around me. I have no doubt in my mind that it came as a result of the most amazing conversation I had the other day with someone I am dating. It started out by me asking him the exact same questions my own coach, Helen, had posed to me three days before. The topic of my call with Helen was love. I wanted her to dig and what we focused on was my definition of commitment and getting clear on my ideal relationship. What a gift that I was able to then share my realizations with the person I am in relationship with currently.
We got to share our visions of what we ultimately want in a relationship, openly and honestly. This happened without the filters of “How do you see this relationship fitting into that?”, “Where do I fit in?”, “What are we?”, etc. The intention for the question and answer exercise was to share “This is how I see my ideal relationship” and hopefully get the response of “Cool. Sounds great. So this is how I see MY ideal relationship.” Completely unattached. I saw even more so how we are on the same page and a big weight was lifted off of both of our shoulders to know where the other person stood.
What made that realization even more powerful for me was that my vision and goal for a relationship was not influenced by him. I spoke my truth despite him going first and describing something I was not wanting for myself. I will be honest (radically obviously) … there was a split second of questioning how honest I would be in my sharing after he started. I heard him and thought to myself “Nope. Do not want that!” yet another part of me thought “Well … maaayyybeee I can try that again and see if I am okay with it this time around.” I recognized that second voice was creeping in because I did not want to “lose him” and had to decide.
In the end, I stayed true to self and told him what I wanted, what I really wanted. Thank the frankness fairies I did because after he heard my description in detail, he amended his own response to mirror mine. Turns out, we have the exact same picture of our dream partnership. It took our conversation for us to not only be real with each other, but real with ourselves as to what will work and will not work for us individually.
So many times we go into a relationship and are not radically honest with ourselves as to what we want. How could we ever be that way with our potential partners if that is the case? This commonly unrealized fact causes the miscommunication and heartache we so often experience in relationships. It does NOT have to be this way.
Good news is you can mitigate a lot of the hiccups that tend to happen. Honestly has an incredible way of making you feel light and happy afterward. (No joke, I can speak from personal experience). We are usually so afraid of speaking our truth that simply conquering that fear is a huge accomplishment in and of itself, regardless of what you actually end up saying!
Think about how horrible you feel when you don’t speak up or you regret not telling the whole truth. Really sit with that. That pain is way worse than the momentary ‘ripping off the band aid’ feeling when you finally open your mouth and let the chips land where they may in response. If you are ready to do some work around this, I am ready to help.
Here is your mission/experiment for the week if you choose to accept it:
1. Think about a tough situation you are in with someone currently or where things are not quite the way you would like.
2. Write a page or two of EVERYTHING you want to say to this person. No filters and no holding back. Get it all out! Every. Single. Thing.
3. Go back in a day or two and re-read it. Choose ONE of the things on the list that STILL feels true/tender AND that you would feel the least ‘uncomfortable’ about addressing.
4. Make time to literally talk to the person. Tell them you wanted to get caught up and share something with them.
5. On the day of the call, remind yourself that your intention for the conversation is to speak your truth. That is the goal. However, still be open and curious to whatever their response is. There may be an opportunity for you to learn something new and deepen your relationship.
However, the most important thing in this exercise is the fact that you chose not to hold in what you had to say! You were radically honest. Everything else is dessert!
6. Acknowledge the person for being open enough to allow you to have that conversation with them. Or for the fact that they are an awesome friend for always being so open and cool!
7. Pat yourself on the back. You did good, real good! You deserve a celebratory glass of wine and to revel in that feeling of freedom and levity!
Soooo … would LOVE to hear about your experiences with radical honesty. Especially for those of you who try on this experiment, report back and let me know how it went. Inquiring minds wanna know! Leave a comment below. XO
P.S. If you would like to be kept in the loop regarding future posts, events, classes and/or some plain ol’ ‘you can have the love you want’ inspiration, sign up for the newsletter below or by clicking HERE.
As a thank you, you will get a surprise from me as well … an in-depth worksheet where you list out your ideal partner and relationship. When you are clear, they appear…It works like magic I tell ya. XO