I feel like I have experienced a revelation when it comes to dating. One of the guys I have been seeing casually the last few weeks has blown my mind a bit. We want the same thing, purely light and casual, so it makes it way easier to be present when you know you are on the same page.
We have wonderful conversations, crazy chemistry and so much fun every single time we are together. It feels almost as if I have found one of the diamonds in the rough. We shall call him the Unicorn.
I have dated quite a bit over my career and it is a rare occasion when I meet someone where the interactions are easy, yet energetic. To give some perspective, I started online dating back when people would concoct fake stories of how they met in order to avoid admitting the internet had anything to do with it. Oh how times have changed.
Think about it, the last 10+ years has seen drastic differences in the way we interact with one another, especially in the dating arena. In its evolution, there have been pluses and minuses, similar to anything in life. I would say a big plus is that we have way more access to easily meet people, specifically folks that are similar in values and goals (thank you online dating profiles). A big minus however is the shift in our outlook on dating.
If you think about it as a culinary experience, it resembles fast food more than fine dining. When you are used to crappy burgers, of course a T-Bone Steak is going to stand out. Going back to my experiences with Mr. Unicorn … He has been proactive, present, inquisitive, open and light hearted from our first phone conversation. During our first date we talked for three hours, about anything and everything, then proceeded to have some of the best sex of my life. 5 hours ladies. Yes, 5.
We are so adventurous together sexually. So much fun! Told my friend as I was getting ready for our last date that he brings out my inner sex kitten. Makes me want to dress up, be seductive, have open, flirty, honest dialogue. Basically, allow me the space to be my feminine self … or HyperFeminine as he so endearingly calls me (trust me, that is a compliment in my eyes).
It was during our last date that I realized what made this guy so special. First off, we are at a Burlesque Show on my birthday weekend. Already a stellar human being in my opinion. Anyone who would so enthusiastically join me in a passion of mine is okay in my book. But it was when we started discussing dating as an activity that I had an aha moment.
He said the way he sees dating is that it should be fun. In my head I went over all of our interactions to date and they have been. We have so much fun whenever we spend time together. Even when we don’t. Texting dialogue? Awesome.
I brought up my observation that the main reason most people have bad dates is because when they think of dating, their gut reaction is “hard, draining, intimidating, pointless” etc. They go in to the date expecting that to happen. And surprise, surprise, it happens.
Mr. Unicorn pointed out that he goes in with “I am going to really enjoy this person’s company and have a good time.” And that is what he gets, really fun dating experiences. Almost every time. The revelation was actually a bit of a confirmation for me. When I decided to approach dating from a different perspective myself a year ago, shit changed … and real quick! In an amazing way too. Thinking about my connection with my Unicorn so strongly mirrors and confirms that for me.
Besides, connection to me is key. What is the point of having sex if you are not actually enjoying each other’s company? I decided last year that I want to be connected to the people I date. Regardless of if we are in a “relationship” or not. Just because I am having sex with you does not mean I do not care about you as a human being. When my outlook shifted, I began attracting way more men who feel the same way.
Moral of the Story: Take Mr. Unicorn’s advice on your outlook to dating. Make it fun. Enjoy yourself. And who knows … it may lead to some really fun and liberating sexy time. No Top 10 Reasons needed!
Feel free to report back any fun stories as a result of shifting your perspective around dating! Also, if you are not on the newsletter, go ahead and sign up below so that you are updated of coming events and the latest content on the site!
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As a thank you, you will get a surprise from me as well … an in-depth worksheet where you list out your ideal partner and relationship. When you are clear, they appear…It works like magic I tell ya. XO