The past week has personally been a doozie. I have been challenged, pushed and triggered in the love department in ways that made me so uncomfortable I wanted to crawl out of my skin and go hide somewhere.
Here is the thing I am getting loud and clear. This is MY work that I have to do. Not my partner’s. Not my family’s. Mine.
For so long I felt invisible. Or I felt I was only valued because of what I gave to the other person. Being needed equaled being loved. I never trusted that someone could love me simply for being ME.
The old familiar fears were popping up: I am going to be too much for my partner. He is going to find out that I am broken. No one will love me when they realize how flawed, damaged and wounded I am. They will leave at the first sign of craziness.
What happened in the past though, with my family, had ZERO to do with me. I am not responsible for the mental health or physical well being of my mom, dad or brother. They have (had) their paths to walk down and lessons to learn.
In that same way, the actions of my partner has nothing to do with me, at least 99.99% of the time. I have to remind myself constantly that he is not going to leave me. He is not going anywhere. He is here for me all the way. Him not responding to a message right away does not mean he has disappeared or that he does not love me.
All fears. All based on the past. Abandonment is a bitch, isn’t it?
Those old tapes don’t serve anyone and definitely do not support the deepening of a relationship. I know I would never want to push away my partner because of my patterns or my insecurities. He means too much to me.
Besides, he loves me AS IS and thinks I am an amazing woman. Why on earth would I want to sabotage one of the healthiest and most unconditionally loving relationships I have experienced to date?
Yet when those voices do creep in and you find yourself anxious and scared, take a deep breath. Although they may not be true intellectually, those emotions feel real in the moment. They are coming up to protect you.
Simply being in relationship will trigger you. It’s very nature will push you because it is giving you (and your partner) an opportunity to heal those wounds.
For most of us the wounds are from childhood and the relationship with one or both of our parents. For some they are the wounds from previous romantic relationships that left a scar on your heart. Either way, you have the chance to start again every time.
In doing my own work around limiting beliefs and love, the following truth revealed itself:
“Love, true love, does exist and it most definitely does heal. It may feel painful at times but it is only because it highlights the areas that are NOT true. Then the work begins to uncover the lies, undo the damage, and allow love to help repair and restore. Eventually it will strengthen and allow you to fly in ways you never imagined before.”
Please feel free to share your own experiences or a-has in the comments below and/or ways in which I can support you. It starts with awareness because the truth really does set you free.
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As a thank you, you will get a surprise from me as well … an in-depth worksheet where you list out your ideal partner and relationship. When you are clear, they appear…It works like magic I tell ya. XO