I just stumbled upon your site and as I’m reading through the beautiful blog posts andI would just love to know…are girls ever allowed to ask a guy out?
Like if I’m grocery shopping or getting takeaway and I see someone that I like am I allowed to approach them?
Or am I messing with the whole yin and yang dynamic?
Hey there! Thanks so much for the awesome feedback and the great question. It is a hot topic among all of the ladies I know for sure!
I can totally understand how the topic of approaching guys when you are a woman can be confusing. Especially when there are so many things out there that say guys like to hunt and chase, therefore you need to be passive and patient.
Yes there is some truth to that in a very biological way. Especially when you look at energy. Masculine energy is very directive, action oriented, getting things done, beeline to the goal. Feminine energy is way more receptive flowing collaborative. Allowing intuition to guide the course and being open to possibilities.
However not all guys are necessarily masculine energy (or all the time) and not all women are feminine energy (also, or not all the time).
Given all that, I am a big believer in doing what feels right for you. As well as figuring out what works through trial and error.
To me the most important thing is making up your own rules when it comes to dating. Be empowered to create whatever it is you want for yourself and your love life.
If you feel like saying hello to someone at the grocery store. Do it! They are human beings after all. If nothing else you might have a friend out of this. How would you even know what role they may have in your life unless you took that step?
You can have the guy do a majority of the pursuing and the chasing and you can be receptive. But that doesn’t mean you can’t metaphorically ‘open the door’. That is the way I see it. It does not have to be black or white though.
You being out and about and seeing someone you like (or are attracted to physically, let’s not beat around the bush as to what it really is) and you want to say hello can be seen as opening the door. Letting them know you are there.
If you would rather start off the race then ‘pass the baton’ so to speak, i.e. have them be the one to direct after that, great. A simple “Hi” will do. Then you can leave it up to them.
Very quickly will you know if the person is interested in you or not. If a guy is not interested he probably will not keep talking to you.
He will make some excuse to go or cut the conversation short. To that I say, “Great! Now you know and you can move on.”
I have come to realize guys don’t have that “I have to be nice or polite” guilt thing that women do which causes us to stay in a situation that is not working for us way longer than we want or need to.
Besides, if that happens, that he is uninterested and leaves, it is because he is probably not the person for you anyway.
Or another scenario is the guys is just shy. He may be totally into you but doesn’t know how to approach you or has been too afraid to muster up the courage. Again, it is just opening the door.
At the end of the day, to be radically honest, any relationship I have ever had never followed the rules. Nor did it when I hear the stories of people I know when asked ‘How did you meet?’
It just happens. You know. They know. And you operate solely on desire, emotion, attraction, chemistry, whatever it is.
So none of the conventions or protocols of normal dating rules usually ever apply!
When it happens, it happens. Like a freaking lightning bolt!
Don’t worry about it too much. Do what feels right for you.
At the end of the day, that is what I will always preach. Do what feels right for you.
Now if what feels right for you is to stretch a little bit into doing something different than what you usually do, do that. If you are usually the one that is pursuing and you want someone to pursue you, then maybe for you it is more about making yourself energetically available and see what happens from there.
But if you are usually the one that sits back and feels like nothing ever happens and you would like to be a little more active in your dating life and the results that come from it then yeah, say Hello and see how it goes.
Hope that helped and keep me posted. Let me know how it goes out there!
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As a thank you, you will get a surprise from me as well … an in-depth worksheet where you list out your ideal partner and relationship. When you are clear, they appear…It works like magic I tell ya. XO