How long would you say is a good amount of time to give something a go before you let it go?
1? 5? 10 years?
How about 15?
Well that is how long I have been online dating. 15 years. On and off of course, but it has been almost half of my life.
Picture it … It is the year 1999, the internet is beginning to pick up its pace as a powerhouse in the world. Folks still do not know its full capabilities, but all of a sudden we are chatting with folks (in chat ROOMS even) half way across the world.
Only people fully admitting they are online dating are the gays because that is the easiest way for them to know if others are of their persuasion.
I know this because not only is my brother gay but a number of my good friends.
So me being the early adopter that I am, jumped on the bandwagon to see what all this fuss was about.
Mind you, this was back when folks lied about how they met if it was online. Heaven forbid people find out you met on the internet. They would look at you as if you had something growing out of your forehead …
“Couldn’t you meet someone in person like the rest of the world?”
“What is wrong with you that you have to look for someone on the internet?”
Yup, THAT is when I started online dating.
I like most have had my fair share of interesting stories, horror (ish) stories, funny stories and love stories. It IS dating after all – online or not.
My last relationship started because we met on OKCupid and I am so grateful to have met him as he was definitely one of the deep loves of my life.
But after 15 years of mainly looking to a website as my means of meeting folks in the hopes of a romantic connection, I am done.
You heard me. DONE!
As of October 2013, after 15 years of blood, sweat and tears (blood part totally metaphorical) I have officially retired from Online Dating.
And you know what? It feels fucking good!
Not going to lie … every so often I get the urge to check out the latest thing (Tinder anyone??). It’s as if I am going through withdrawals!
As strong as the urge might be, especially when almost all of my girlfriends are comparing notes, I stop myself from jumping back on that damn bandwagon.
When I sit with it for a moment, I know that urge is coming more from a fear place of missing out than a genuine desire to peruse and pursue.
It’s not that I don’t think online dating works. Hell, more and more people meet their future partners on the Internet every day because the face of dating has changed so dramatically due to us fully being in the Technological Age.
As a friend said to me recently, “It seems to others like you are not taking your love life seriously these days UNLESS you are online dating.”
Yet that’s not what it is about for me. It’s about how I want to FEEL and how I want to GO ABOUT dating.
I want to live my life less in front of a computer screen and more in nature. I want to be out in the world, doing cool shit and experiencing cool people.
Call me traditional but I want to meet and connect with people the ‘old fashioned way’.
I found that the times I was really into online dating I was literally blind to the people around me on the day to day! It was that all consuming. Like freaking crack … and that’s how so many people act when they are online dating, like crackheads!
That is definitely NOT how I want to live my life.
I am not alone either. There are folks out there who want to bring back the in-person connection piece to starting relationships. Chris Feliciano of Scenergy-Dating is one of those folks on that mission: Take dating back offline!
So good riddance online dating. It was (sorta) nice knowing you, but don’t let the door hit you on your way out!
(Update: Not even a year later, in August of 2014, I met my guy, in real life, as I knew I would. I was out and about in the world, doing what I love and having a great time at it. So just know that however you decide to go about dating and love, just make sure to follow your heart and what feels good, and the rest will be magic).
Photo Credit: Flickr/Ashley Bishop
P.S. I want to work with you. Yes, you! Whether it is a tarot reading, or a coaching session, I can help you feel clear, confident and ready to take on the world … so let’s get this show on the road! Can’t wait to hear from you soon!!