*Disclaimer: This article was initially written for ladies of the gentlemanly persuasion but can apply to everyone, regardless of whoever it is you are wanting to love on and be with!!
Truth Bomb Time:
The fact that you are not in a relationship right now has more to do with you than anybody else.
It’s easy to blame other people … “guys are lame”, “all they want is sex”, “there are no good guys out there”, yada yada yada.
However after coaching women for the past 5 years around attracting true love, I have noticed some not so awesome patterns (from the woman’s end) that get in the way of finding Mr. Right, or even Mr. Right Now.
For most of us, we do not even realize we are doing these things.
We get so wrapped up in the end goal (find guy, get boyfriend) that we are blind to how we are showing up to other people. It’s like tunnel vision.
Listen up ladies … If you want any fighting chance at attracting a wonderful person and being in a healthy, loving relationship, then you need to be aware of how you are being and if it is in any of the ways listed below, then cut that shit out … stat!
Here’s the thing: your friends are not going to tell you this stuff and the people you are dating sure as hell are not going to tell you either. So someone’s gotta do it!
As harsh as it may seem, I say all of this because I actually WANT you to find love, experience bliss, be at peace in your relationships.
So think of this as your dose of tough love in the dating and relationship department.
The following are the 5 reasons you are never going to find Mr. Right:
You’re acting like a Crazy Person
How can someone get to know you and fall in love with you if you are not even acting like yourself? You are so busy trying to figure out how to snag someone or what they want you to be like that you are acting needy and desperate. Dating is a time for folks to get to know each other and decide if this is someone with whom they want to pursue a relationship. Not only are you false advertising (because I KNOW you are not crazy), you are doing a piss poor job of advertising at all. Breath. Relax. Let your awesome self shine through.
This is a twin of number one but if that one is dangerous, this one is downright evil. I know you want a relationship, we all do. It is a human desire to connect. We are hardwired that way. However, we can find those connections all around us if we are open and allow it. You have family and friends and A LIFE! Appearing as if you have nothing else better going on is not attractive, not one bit! Plus your friends are tired of hearing about how badly you just want a boyfriend already! Let it go. It will happen when the time is right. Focus on all of the amazing things in your life and if you do not have cool shit going on, then we got bigger fish to fry than the lack o’man issue in your life.
You’re a Debbie Downer
You have this belief that you will never find love and that is oozing out of every one of your pores. You may think you are hiding it, but you’re not. People can tell. If you are bashing guys, dissing your friends in their happy relationships, or always talking about your horrible ex that effed you over, you definitely need to cut that shit out! Besides the fact that focusing on all the negative will only bring more of it, this is unbecoming behavior. Period. Would YOU want to be with someone that is still hanging on to baggage from the past and doesn’t believe that love is possible? Didn’t think so.
You compare yourself to everyone else and use it as an excuse of why you will never be picked by the good looking guys. Low self esteem anyone? Again, it’s not about anyone else. It’s about you and how you show up. You are an awesome, unique, interesting, beautiful being. Time to start believing it and acting like it. The person that you end up with (or persons if you are into poly and all) is going to be attracted to and love you for YOU. And by YOU I mean quirks and all. There is plenty of love to go around and someone for everyone (or multiple someones).
You think the world owes you a relationship. Just because you were born. And the fact that you do not have one pisses you the eff off. Yes we deserve all of the amazingness in the world but we also have to work for and earn them. It’s no different than in your work or your education. Effort in equals reward out. Sure there are those where it falls in their laps but they are the exception not the rule. You need to do the work on yourself to ensure you are the best partner you can be, which starts by being the best human being you can be.
I want amazing love for you and I believe in my heart of hearts it is possible for everyone. I know it may be a painful process at times to take a hard honest look at self but I promise the payoff is worth it!
So go get ‘em lady loves!
P.S. If you are ready to turn things around in the Love Department big time and turn any unconscious sabotage to success when it comes to relationships, check out the Virtual Love Course I created just for that purpose – affordable, self paced and you can do it in the comfort of your own home!
Feature Image Photo Credit: Flickr/Daniela Hartmann