When it comes to dating and relationships I have found that there are usually two types of people. And these types of people are distinguished by their speed in relationships. Fasties and Slowies.
I, for example, am a Fasty! Always have been. My pace when I meet someone I like is to go all in, right away, and dive to the depths of our souls together within the first month! Hilarious but true! Ha ha.
The other type, the Slowy, tends to really take their time, be super discerning, not show their cards right away and move at a much slower pace.
Neither are good or bad, or right or wrong. They are simply styles I have observed in friends, clients, and strangers alike!
If you are of the same pace, usually things go a lot smoother in that you are on the same wave length.
Two Fasties will be happily moving in together within the first few months. Two Slowies are content waiting a whole six months to a year before deciding if they want to move to the next level.
Obviously this has its own draw backs since two Fasties can burn out fast not having taken the time to really get to know each other, and two Slowies may invest all of that time and energy together and realize it still isn’t working!
Problems, or shall I say ‘challenges’, usually arise more obviously when you have a Fasty and a Slowy dating or in relationship. It is a push pull dynamic that is very unique and can feel frustrating a lot of the time.
However I am realizing there is something to this opposite pace dynamic that is a blessing in disguise. Because Fasties do need to learn to slow their roll somewhat and Slowies need to learn to take more risks and not hedge their bets as much.
I currently am going through this very situation myself. It is an edge for me and so NOT my natural pace to go slow, however I am grateful for it.
It is allowing us to really take our time to get to know each other and decide if this truly will work for the two of us. It has me temper my anxiety around wanting to know NOW what will happen and trust in the unfolding. I know for my sweet Slowy I am probably offering an edge too where we are still diving in deeper emotionally then he is comfortable with but at the same time he is appreciating. I can see the future vision and possibility and am keeping us focused on that.
We are both lovingly pushing each other to our edges, to step outside of our comfort zones, and find a way to meet in the middle. It’s a dance for sure, and one that is so worthwhile if done in partnership!
Regardless of which type you are, the moral of the story here is to see if you can do a bit different.
If you are a Fasty, it may behoove you to slow down a bit, so that you can check in with yourself more and not get as swept up in the energy and the excitement as much.
If you are a Slowy, it may behoove you to speed up a bit, to not wait until everything is perfect and guaranteed before you act, so that you can open up to possibilities.
So which are you? What have you noticed about your pace and how can you try different??