Baby Steps

Image by Mindbodygreen.com

You can’t go from crawling to walking without baby steps. This analogy can be applied to pretty much anything, from training for a marathon to mastering a craft. Especially when it comes to dating and relationships.

Take for example the person that has never had much experience in the dating world. They are terrified of the thought of having to talk to someone they are even remotely interested in. They freeze up and/or nervously talk non-stop. They have no idea how to engage or connect without feeling awkward, shy or bad about themselves.

Imagine this person at a bar, hanging out with their friends, watching everyone around them hooking up or getting numbers. Super intimidating. It’s not as if they do not know what they need to do. In fact, they have heard all there is to know about picking up girls from their buddies. Yet when it comes time to act, all of that goes right out the window.

The reason for that? Fear! Plain and simple. When you have limited or zero experience with something, it is easy to get stuck in your head and contemplate the myriad of ways you may fail at it. Hence the freezing up. You are glued to your seat and that movie in your brain is on repeat. They don’t call it analysis paralysis for nothing.

The antidote for that? Baby steps. One foot placed in front of the other. They may not be the surest steps, could have some wobble in there, however it is movement and that is what matters the most. You will be surprised at how fast things actually progress once that first step is taken. You realize it is not as bad as you made it out to be this whole time. You gain confidence. You keep taking steps and pretty soon they go from baby size to toddler size and on and on.

Going back to our gentleman friend, it would go down like this: One night he is out at a bar with his buddies and a female friend of theirs joins the fun. He is attracted to her and his buddies can tell. He talks to her for part of the evening, wrapped in the safety of a friendly interaction. At one point she is dancing and his buddies physically push him out there to go dance with her. Despite his reluctance and push back (aka fear) they manage to get him off his ass and on the dance floor.

That act alone was all it took to get the ball rolling. Dancing led to embracing and embracing led to making out. In a matter of 30 minutes, he went from hesitant and scared to floating on cloud 9. Some big time proof was collected that he wouldn’t die of embarrassment by putting himself out there. It was just what he needed to know the possibilities available to him. Not saying he became a smooth operator overnight, however he is way more likely to go after what he wants again.

Do you have an experience of getting past a hurdle by acting? What baby steps can you take with something you have been postponing or dreading? Leave a comment below. Would love to hear your story!

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