Let’s talk Role Playing

This week’s Blog Post written by an amazing drama therapist, and super sexy sweetheart, Alexis Maron.

Children do it naturally…..move fluidly from fantasy to reality, trying on and playing out different roles. It is so effortless for them as they play at being the princess or the little pony or the hero who saves the world from destruction.

And then, something happens when we become adults. Our ability to play gets stifled, as the real world pushes out our desire for fantasy and imagination, until the “fantasy” world gets relegated to stay in the sexual corners of our minds. When we say “role play” as an adult, we automatically assume that we are speaking in sexual terms.

Now, come on everyone…..be honest with me, when you read “role play,” how many of you instantly got an image of the “naughty nurse” or the Dominatrix trussed up in leather and vinyl? Don’t worry, had it been 3 years ago, I would have too, except now, when I talk about playing roles in my relationships, I’m talking in terms of Drama Therapy.

What is Drama Therapy, you ask? Well, simply put, it’s using dramatic principles for therapeutic purposes. The Drama Therapist uses tools like role play, improvisation, masks, makeup, puppets, psychodrama and art as life to get to the core issues.

But to cut to the chase, what does it mean when I ask you “what role are you playing at in your relationship?”

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When it comes to intimate relationships, we find that we are always playing a role in relation to what our partner is giving us at the moment. For example, the “martyr” role often rears its head in an unbalanced relationship, or “the victim.”

When we find ourselves gravitating towards weaker roles, it’s time to take a look at the relationship dynamic and see if the role is a choice, or if it’s one that being placed upon you. Once that is realized, the ball is back in your court, and you can “re-cast” yourself as whatever role you want to play.

If you want to be the “lover,” then BE THE LOVER. If you want to be the “hero,” then BE THE HERO. Your roles do not have to orbit around your partner’s behaviors, and they also do not have to stay stagnant.

Ultimately, your health and happiness have very little to do with the events happening around you and the relationships you have. The consistency of the status of your happiness lies within you.

Take a moment, and think about the roles you play on a daily basis. Do any of these resonate with you? Mother, Father, Lover, Friend, Dreamer, Victim, Person of Faith, Hero, Wise Person, Angry Person, Beauty, Beast, Rebel, Addict, Sex Kitten, Martyr, Brother, Sister…..

Now, ask yourself the following questions:

  • Which roles do you want to expose in your relationships?

  • Which roles empower you and support your happiness, (which in turn, support the health and happiness of your relationships)?

Don’t be a doormat….this is not a role we want in our repertoires. Be who you are, and of course, what people do and say will affect you, but their behaviors don’t have to change you.

Cast yourself in the lead role of your life, and let everyone else be your supporting roles.

You’ll know when it’s time to be the support system for your friends and lovers, but in the meantime, assume all of the characteristics of the strongest roles that appeal to you, and play them to their fullest. The stage is yours!

Alexis Maron began acting at the age of 5, and has since been following her dream, allowing her performance background to infuse her career choice of becoming a Drama Therapist. Alexis received her B.A. in Musical Theatre from UCLA and after performing professionally in LA, she followed her instincts to New York (sheesh!), and attended NYU where she earned her M.A. in Drama Therapy. While in New York, she worked with high school children, homeless mentally disordered adults, and the aged and infirm. After returning to California, she was hired at the OCSA to pioneer a Drama Therapy class, and teach this subject to a class of seniors. Alexis also works with a non-profit organization called Theradrama, to facilitate a D.T. group for adults with Down Syndrome. Recently, she was hired at Promises Treatment Center, where she works with adults suffering from drug and sexual addictions. When Alexis is not busy changing the world with her motto: “everything in moderation,” she can be seen galavanting around Seal Beach on her sunshine yellow and flamingo pink beach cruiser, affectionately named Sunny.

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Feel free to leave a comment below to share your a-ha’s or if you would like coaching around anything love, dating or sex related!

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Natalie Vartanian, CPCC, ACC, is a certified life coach, talented writer, speaker, workshop facilitator and an expert when it comes to sex and relationships. She knows it’s possible to have amazing love in an unconventional way.  She works with individuals and couples to build better relationships and help them amplify the communication and intimacy, which always results in better sex. She has also worked in organizations such as Google to develop personal development curriculum and present around the importance of designing relationships in the classroom to educators, as well as personal leadership for education outreach professionals.  Her work has been featured in Forbes.comGood Men Project and Your Life Your Way.


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