Ask The SEXpert: What is too little sex for 4 years?


How much sex is too little for a couple that has been together for 4 years?


Relationships, like anything in life, go through an ebb and flow. Nothing in life is constant. It goes up and down, side to side, backwards and forwards. Given that … your sex life is going to change too. Sometimes you will be mating like bunny rabbits and other times you will be snuggling like penguins.

This term ‘too little’ is a subjective concept. Too little in whose eyes? Yours? Mine? Media’s? Instead of asking how much sex is ‘too little’, reframe the statement. My first question for you is “How much sex do you want to be having?” And immediately following that is “How much more or less are you having from that ideal sexual scenario?”

This is a situation that goes back to a crucial component of any relationship: being on the same page when it comes to satisfying needs and wants.  The conversation about ‘what a fulfilling sex life looks like for our relationship’ has got to take place between the individuals in a partnership.

A lot of times we assume we know what our partners want or need sexually. There is no way you can know that. You do not read minds! You have got to ask them and have a dialogue about it.

My next set of questions is “How much sex does your partner want to be having?” And again, immediately following that is “How much more or less are you having from his ideal sexual scenario?”

By the way, that number may change from time to time. Try not to wait until you feel like you are having ‘too little’ sex with your partner to talk about it, because by then frustration and resentment has most likely started to set in towards your ‘other half’. Periodically check in with each other.

Last bit of advice: Have it be an exploration similar to a treasure hunt. Find out what there is that might be new and/or different to be discovered. There is a lot of uncharted territory when it comes to sex. Have the energy be that of excitement, play, research and adventure. Happy Exploring!

CS Photoshoot II

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As a thank you, you will get a surprise from me as well … an in-depth worksheet where you list out your ideal partner and relationship. When you are clear, they appear…It works like magic I tell ya. XO


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