BT: “I am a guy interested in knowing what you think about my situation. I am 24 years old and I am a virgin. I used to be over-weight and had a difficult financial situation with my family that prevented me from enjoying my life. But a year ago I made a commitment to change. I lost over 80 lb and I am making the money I needed quite easily.
Having lost weight and taking care of myself, I have lots of women who are interested in dating me and I’ve stumbled onto a woman I like but I keep thinking about her rejecting me because of me being a virgin. Of course, If she really likes me it shouldn’t bother her. I’ve also done lots of reading about female sexuality and I know what I have to do should we get together – I am confident about that.
How should I bring this up to her?”
NTC: “Thanks for writing in. In my opinion, rad-ical honesty is always the best policy. Are you concerned in the way in which you want to deliver the information as opposed to it being a question of bringing it up at all?
I would be honest even in your vulnerability and concerns about bringing this up to her. Women appreciate honesty and vulnerability from their potential partners because it unconsciously gives them confirmation that they have the space for that themselves with you.
Here are my thoughts:
Let her know that you wanted to talk to her about something and were unsure how exactly to bring it up. That although it is a non-issue for you, you understand that it may be a point of consideration for others. Fill her in, just as you did in your email with me. But make sure to keep the focus of the sharing what you have learned and your desire to please. You don’t have to SAY you are confident about pleasing her, you just have to BE confident … that will go way farther (remember actions speak louder than words).
Hope this helped! Keep me posted on how it goes.”
BT: ” Thanks for replying. I needed clarification on something, you mentioned:
‘But make sure to keep the focus of the sharing what you have learned and your desire to please.’
Do you mean tell her what I’ve learned about how to please her? In terms of the techniques/positions?
Also, I was thinking to tell her that I learned all of this so that she didn’t need to have a bad first experience with me. Could that seal the deal too?”
NTC: “What I meant by focusing on what you had learned, I actually meant things you have learned about yourself through the process. You do not have to get into details about what you have learned technique-wise unless you see that she is comfortable having that type of conversation. Some people may not be that open to talking ‘details’ at that stage. This is where you have to trust your judgment as you are talking to the person and gauge their level of openness (and comfort) during the conversation.
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