When I was 20 years old, I had gone to dinner with some friends and the topic of love, dating and relationships came up as it is want to do. Not really a surprise when that is what we think about all the time, whether we want to admit it or not.
We think about love always!
Something one of the guys at the table said has stuck with me my whole life. It was around this idea of ‘types’.
At one point in the evening, the conversation turned to relationships, and I’m sure it was me bringing it up because I’ve always been fascinated with anything love, dating, relationships or sex.
Of all the things we talked about, the question that I still clearly remember was “So what’s your type?”. We proceeded to go around the table and give our answers to the question.
One of the guys at the table, very nonchalantly and matter-of-factly says,
“Oh I don’t have a type because you never end up falling for your type anyway.”
That one sentence really stuck me with me. At that point in my life, I had not had any committed relationships so could not speak from experience. But in thinking about the relationships that I had seen over the years, the people that ended up together were rarely ever any one you ever expected.
It always had this feeling of disbelief, like “Really? Him?” or “Really? Her?” or “How?!?”
After doing that lightening quick analysis in my brain, his statement felt like absolute mind blowing TRUTH.
To the point where I thought, I can’t, or shouldn’t, date people that are my type because I am not going to ‘end up with them’ anyway!!
After years of dating and coaching others around their dates and relationships, I realize one tiny hole in that statement.
Now when I think of him saying ‘I don’t have a type’, I call “BS.”
He may not consciously have a type, but we ALL have a type, or types (emphasis on the extra S in that last word).
The way I see a type is the type of person that you’re naturally attracted to or normally gravitate towards. It’s not even really a conscious thing. For whatever reason, we feel a connection with the people we end up dating. This sense of familiarity or attraction to people with a certain look/style, could come from anywhere – our family, our first crush, our biology!
But just because you have this type of person that you would like to be with romantically or are naturally attracted to, does not mean that that type of person is best for you or best to be in a relationship with.
Reason being is how can we know that really?! We do our best to figure out what we want, what we need, what we desire, however there are so many different options and possibilities in the world. And then think about all of the different people on this planet!
How can we predict who we’re going to like, who is going to be best for us, what the lessons are that we have to learn? No matter how much we try and control the outcome, the heart wants what the heart wants and the soul knows what the soul knows.
There is a wisdom in our heart and our soul that understands on a much grander level.
Keeping an open heart is just as important as an open mind.
At the end of the day, it is about how we feel with this person who we have chosen to be in a relationship with.
Also if life is about striving to be the best version of yourself, then it is about what they bring out in you and what you bring out in them.
To me when the whole is greater than the sum of the two individual parts, that is the mark of a good relationship.
I’ll leave you with a story another friend of mine shared with me recently.
A couple of years back, my friend went to a sorority sister’s wedding. After college, her sorority sister started working and became very close with one of the guys that she worked with.
Eventually they started dating. He was definitely not her type and everyone around her had very strong opinions about it.
“What are you thinking? You’re tall, gorgeous, sophisticated, and he’s average looking, kind of dorky, shorter than you and not your race!!”
But she was smitten and they dated and he treated her like a goddess. Finally they decided to get married and their wedding was at this beautiful castle in Italy.
After the wedding, they were all sitting at the reception and the bride stands up to make a toast. My friend said that she was pretty sure the speech was being addressed specifically to the single ladies in the room.
“When it comes to love, don’t just keep an open mind but also keep an open heart because you never know in what package God will send that person to you.”
This story became just as poignant for me in regards to ‘dating your type.’
You never do you fall for your type, because how could we possibly know what we need and what is good for us at the heart and soul level?!?!
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As a thank you, you will get a surprise from me as well … an in-depth worksheet where you list out your ideal partner and relationship. Autopsy breakdown included! When you are clear, they appear…It works like magic I tell ya. XO