The first point of this PSA is to ‘hang in there’. Feeling so unbelievably blessed these days. Like I want to pinch myself and do happy dances all the time.
I’m that person that is so on cloud 9 right now that you don’t know whether to vomit, tell me to shut up or sit at my feet so I can tell you EVERY LITTLE DETAIL!
Although I am ‘here’ now, I have to admit that the last year was HARD folks. No joke! I endured a move to another state, a break up, a break in to my apartment, another move back to the original state, financial melt down not once but twice, a business partnership crash and burn … and as if that wasn’t enough, stress and emotional breakdowns galore.
Needless to say I called my old therapist crying, begging her to take me as a client again which was tricky considering she was in California and I was in Texas.
If I look at myself now after having gone through all that, it being a little over a year since my breakup, I realize it has grown me in ways unimaginable.
It has made me a more grounded, appreciative, humble, kind, vulnerable, loving woman.
After all … after the breakdown is the breakthrough.
The gratitude is super present because of the following:
My friends are fuckin awesome. They are my rocks and would NEVER let me fall. I get to do the thing(s) I absolutely love and get paid for it … it seriously feels like playing. I have a man in my life now that knocks my socks off every day and I feel so proud to know him. I live near the mountains in my dream home. I get to travel and discover new places. I’m healthy and happy. I get to love in an even bigger way and constantly become a better person.
It still trips me out how much can happen in a year and how much can radically change in that same year.
Seriously. Whatever is coming up for you, even if it is raining a torrential shit storm, know that it too shall pass. Life isn’t always down, it’s up too. It’s both. Be as present as possible and try and look for the silver linings.
The second point of this PSA is to inspire your heart again. This wouldn’t be a Natalie blog post if we weren’t diving in to the relationship stuff. I am a love coach after all!
As I mentioned before, last year I broke up with someone that I knew was my soul mate and thought would be my long haul guy. Even moved to TX to be closer to him.
But he wasn’t the person I was supposed to build my life with. And THAT, my loves, is the distinction between soul mate and long haul person.
He was a good man, we practiced radical honesty and he loved me, but it’s not about love.
I definitely had a year after my break up where I needed space (celibacy style), to love on self and foster my career and I’m so glad I did. Relationships were not top of mind. I was open to it happening when it happened but I wasn’t obsessing about it or seeking it out. So when it finally happened it was like a pleasant surprise!
I am dating an amazing man that I met at the WDS Conference in Portland this past July, and last week, September 17th to be exact, was our one month anniversary. It was exactly a month since he popped into my life/showed up at my doorstep in LA and we have been strong and steady ever since.
The story of how we met was pretty crazy. Bob apparently forgot the key to the car he was sharing with his sister in his pocket. So they had to coordinate the weekend of the conference exchanging of the key and also Bob’s belongings that got left in the car. This did not actually happen until the very last night of the conference when Bob shows up to our hotel room and ends up staying for an hour as we talk about the events of the weekend and also his 6 month road trip podcast project.
All I could think while he was talking was “Who IS this guy!?”
I felt like I had never met a man like that before. He was sweet, kind, considerate, purposeful, and smart. He was also open to trying things like intimacy workshops and knew about the Love Languages!
I even had a moment of what felt like it might be jealousy. When he was sharing about his process at one of the intimacy workshops that weekend at the conference, the thought “I want to be the one eye gazing with him (as opposed to the woman he was referencing).” It was an absolutely absurd thought in my mind considering I had just met this man. Thankfully I had learned to follow my instincts in the previous years and was able to see that the thought was pointing to a deep yearning to know this man.
I just knew he was special and I had a strong intuition that I needed to experience more.
We exchanged information and talked about getting together for coffee while he was traveling through Los Angeles on his road trip. That led to a video chat (that I totally thought was a date in my mind), which turned into him asking if he could crash with me for a few of the nights he was in town. He invited me to a dinner the night he got into LA with some of this other friends which is when I felt the magic and connection in a palpable way. Two days later he showed up at my doorstep and we were inseparable ever since!
He is seriously EVERYTHING on my list, which he confirmed too (okay, except for the loving movies part). I’m telling you ladies … that list is MAGICAL!
Btw: The wish list exercise is part of my Virtual Love/Relationship Course.
Best of all it has been easy and fun and sexy* this whole time.
*As I know inquiring minds want to know, the sex is out of this world. So passionate, sensual, connected. I feel things with him I never have, and we are so open to communicating, exploring, and deepening our connection sexually. Our first night together to my own shock and surprise, I was crying in front of him. I felt so safe to expose parts of myself I had hidden for years.
We kept remarking all weekend that it feels so good to just be able to be ourselves! It was as if we had been friends for ages, probably multiple life times if you believe in that sort of thing.
We had such an awesome conversation recently where we designed our relationship and shared what we truly want and need and feel in a very vulnerable and very honest way. I found myself having to take back the things I said I wanted because deep in my heart I knew I would be lying. That was the scary place but the true place.
I found that happening a number of times in the development of our relationship. Opportunities would come up and instead of hiding my hurt or insecurity or desire, I chose to walk through the fear and share it open heartedly. It was me practicing vulnerability and courage, but it also says a lot about him as a man to demand my truth and constantly lead by example.
Boy did I fall in love with this man even more after our talk. I think I’ll keep him.
He has also strongly claimed me, which for a woman wanting to be in her feminine was what I have needed/wanted from my man for forever. It’s obviously a longer, more nuanced story, however it has been him on various occasions firmly declaring his feelings for me, that he wants me and saying that I am HIS.
I have to say that it’s so fuckin cool to be with someone, who like myself, walks his talk and is committed to stretching and growing and feeling daily. Who isn’t afraid to show his feelings and share his thoughts. And who is up to big things in the world.
I am honestly in love with what he is up to in the world as much as I am the person he is (and continues to become daily).
He’s traveling around the US on an awesome project he is working on regarding reclaiming male role models. He is interviewing men on their relationships with male role models, as well as what it means to be a man. SUCH IMPORTANT CONVERSATIONS TO HAVE!!!
He asked me to accompany him on the last leg of his trip, so we’ll be road tripping together for a few weeks from Texas back to Southern California (ANOTHER dream come true – traveling with my guy).
I shared this with someone recently and her response was “I think that is the coolest part…to have a man and to look at him beyond the relationship and just truly love the person he is in the world. To be like: I love his heart, integrity, what he’s up to, what he stands for…who he is as a man. Talk about a turn on!”
And it IS. It is such a TURN ON. More about this in another post about me finally getting (or as much as one can until they get more) the whole masculine and feminine thing.
He also knows what a woman he has in me, he really does.
I feel very seen, supported, encouraged, cared for, appreciated. He tells me I’m amazing all the time and pushes me to really lean into my future and what’s possible.
So new for me. To have someone that gets how amazing I am, who fully supports what I am up to in the world and wants to see me succeed – not just in a “ra ra, that’s great honey” way, but in questioning my actions to make sure they are aligned with my vision, as much as he does himself regarding his own. THAT to me is unconditional love and true care.
I am savoring every sweet minute as I am so present to today and all the sweetness.
Also very new and very different for me. I get so strongly how all of my previous experiences taught me something new and impactful and profound about how to be in relationship, whether those men knew it or not!
So here is a photo of us in the Bay a few weeks back when he extended his time there so we could spend quality time together, in addition to meeting all of my closest friends in Oakland.
Talk about showing up big time and putting in the work (which doesn’t have to feel so heavy when both individuals are doing it).
I wanted to share this with you most of all to inspire. I am a die hard romantic at heart so anyway I can spark the belief in TRUE LOVE I will!
I believed this for so long and know it to be true even more so now: when you know you know and we should never settle because the right person(s) are out there.
It is the reminder that most love advice is crap because when you meet someone you are that compatible with, all of that shit goes out the window: games, false pretenses, hiding your truth, etc.
I get in an even deeper way that I deserve this. We ALL deserve this.
So if you don’t GET that you deserve this yet or are still struggling to open up to and believe in love again, maybe you and I should chat? I am a love coach after all!
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