Video: The Fear of Being Imperfect or “Not Good Enough”

Something that has been coming up with my clients recently is this fear that if they show the side of them that is imperfect or not having all of their ‘shit’ together, they won’t get love, they will get left.

It’s an epidemic that keeps us from the intimacy and love and acceptance we crave!

“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.”  ~Sam Keen

In this video I talk about how this shows up, the way it blocks love, and a suggestion to shift this pattern. *For you readers, the transcription of the video can be found below.

I wanted to talk today about something that’s been coming up with my clients, literally in the last two days. In the session yesterday and the session this morning.

This piece around not wanting to show our imperfections to our partners. I see this happening though not just with partners. I see it happening on dates, with potential people that we are interested in, with our friends, and our family.

Like really we need to kind of have this mask and this facade that are perfect and there’s nothing wrong with us. So much of this I realize is this fear that we’re not good enough to
be loved. Like we don’t deserve love.

So what we do is just show this side of us it’s really perfect, because we don’t want to show imperfection. Because what that really “means” is that we are weak, that we don’t deserve love, that there’s something wrong with us, we’re flawed, we’re broken.

I know that has come up for me a lot.

The crazy part is … that fear actually keeps us from getting the love. Because if we were to actually show our partners and the people we are interested in that heart, that side of us that is insecure and really wanting love and desiring love that’s the thing that’s actually gonna get us the connection we want, the intimacy we so so so deeply crave, for someone to see us, warts and all. And love us in all of those places.

It kind of breaks my heart to think about it, because the fear does truly keep us from that kind of love that we really want … to just be accepted for everything that we are. It’s
so exhausting to keep up the facade. It does get tiring eventually to try and keep
this charade up.

So my question for you is “How are you keeping intimacy and love at bay by showing only the sides of you that are perfect? By not showing all of you: the insecurities
and fears, as well as strengths and commitment and the purpose?”

My invitation is “How can you show just a little bit of that insecurity and fear to
someone you love and care about, so that they can open up and love you in
return in those places?”

I love you all, warts and all, and I’m here to support you however I can to just show up and be yourself, and have the kind of love you really, really, deep down desire.

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